Sunday, September 12, 2010
The Gift of and Ordinary Day
The joy that comes every morning like a "fountain in my soul" because I know exactly how they day will go: feedings and lullabies, lavender johnson and johnson shampoo, kisses and cuddles, tickling tiny toes, caressing soft cheeks. Jumping up in excitement at the sound of Brandon coming through the door.
Having to hand over my baby, but swelling inside with happiness while I watch my husband smile from ear to ear as he takes the peanut from me, and says "go get some sleep, mama!"
I've stopped looking at calendars and planning for days in the future to be excited about. For the very first time in all of my life, I am content to focus on the present. Content to just be.
I feel as if I was born with this purpose inside me, this longing that I carried all through adolescence, not understanding how to fill the hole inside me, not understanding what it was.
And with the birth of our son, I feel a new fulfillment. A deep gratitude that we have been given this gift, that we have been trusted by God to raise a son. That I and only I, am his Mother. That he depends on me for sustanence, for comfort, for life.
Every day I fall into a deeper love with this tiny boy. I can't count the tears that fall from my eyes as we spend a perfectly ordinary day at home. Tears that fall because of love finally realized.
This swaddled bundle I hold is truly my heart. This is my son.