I have had so much time on my hands for the past two months, though suprisingly, I have hardly had time to post any blogs. So much has happened that I haven't shared because my state of mind has been so unpredictable from day to day.
I had two surgeries in recent months to combat my worsening scoliosis. The surgeries were successful. I can't believe I am on the downhill side of this battle. It's truly unbelievable. The hospital stay was confusing, I don't remember much. I remember being really uncomfortable and thinking everyone was trying to withold my pain killers from me. Such a junkie!
I also remember a blur of faces visiting me. That really helped to ease the seriousness of the situation. I am so lucky to have so many caring family members. I could never have done this alone.
I spent one week with my mom at my sister Moriah's in recovery. I missed Brandon so much. It was such an incredible bonding experience though. Moriah was getting over a horrible case of pluracy, so the two of us were intense couch potatoes, watching maximum amounts of HGTV. My mom was exhausted after previously staying by my side at the hospital, but she never showed it. She was completely gracious, attending to me day and night. God love that woman.
The next month was extremely difficult. Mostly for emotional reasons. I returned home to Spokane to my amazing husband and home, only to realize the intensity of my condition and lonliness. I was alone in the house all day, and did more than my fair share of crying. I was confused by all my medication dosing, an had a very hard time sleeping. Pair that with the constant pressure to get back to work and the inibility to get up off of the couch to get things done.
The medications worked beautifully for a good two months. I hardly felt the pain. The hard part was learning to listen to my body, because as I started to heal, I began to overestimate what I was capable of. One day I felt super pseudo strength from the vicodin, and ripped down all the paneling in the upstairs living room, thinking we would put up new sheet rock. When Brandon got home I was in HUGE trouble... "What were you thinking?" "We can't even fit sheetrock up the narrow stairs!!" "Why would you do after having a 200k surgery on your back?!"
Oops... It seemed like a great idea at the time, and I needed to feel useful! Not to mention my family is coming to visit at the end of the month and I desperately wanted them to see my new house in its best possible condition!
Three weeks later and I am still peeling the unsightly old wallpaper and glue from underneath all that panelling...
The medication did it's job, but I soon became extremely worried that I might be on the road to addiction. I noticed that I was taking it every six hours like clock work, not waiting to see if I was actually in pain or not. I decided to stop doses long enough to decipher what my level of pain was at this point. I went 12 hours and felt fine, which made me think I was ready to go off of them. Cold turkey. I had been taking them as prescribed so I didn't even know for sure if I was addicted, until my evidence hit me like a ton of bricks the next morning. Cold sweats, horrible body aches, nausea, vomiting (both ways) and headaches clued me in that I might have been feeding an addiction. On top of all that, I had a nasty UTI, chest cold AND my unwelcome cycle finally started after three month dissapearing act! Of all the nerve! I suffered for four days like this, the nights were even worse due to extreme insomnia. I was wide awake for days! I truly have newfound admiration for anyone that kicks a drug habbit.
Luckily I wasn't mentally dependent at this point, and my newest prescription of vicodin didn't look the least bit appealing. One week later and I realized once the drugs left my body completely that I am still very much in pain. I will grit my teeth through it though. Anything is better than going through all that again.
Because this post is entirely too long, I will note briefly that I am getting better little by little, and would do it all over again if I had to. My back for once looks fabulous, and I'm even a little endeared to my scars, even though I look like I almost became a skin suit from the Texas chain massacre, with apparent stitches on both sides of my spine. And the best part of this whole ordeal? NO more constant headaches! I can't even believe they are gone. I'm always worried one is coming on. All in all things are looking up! And so am I now that I am no longer staring at the porcelain bowl 24/7!