"Friends will come and go...

--But your family will never leave you." As my mother used to constantly say. As I get older, I realize how true it is that friends will walk in and out of my life, but my family will always remain constant.

Since I was a little girl I have always understood how lucky I was to have family.
Eight wonderful siblings to play with, to quarrel with, to take care of me, and for me
to take care of. I loved being the baby.

I remember how my oldest brother, Jeff, hopped on his bike and rode miles to the toy store just to buy me a special toy. I still have that tattered and precious stuffed kitten that he bought, and it is one of my favorite possesions.

I remember how Derek used to let me sleep in his bed when I had a bad dream, and how he woke me up at 10:00pm, put my red boots on and took me to A&W for a root beer float because I had become potty trained.

I remember how Moriah used to babysit me, and wake me up to bake "dutch babies" for breakfast on Saturdays. How Joram used to teach me to pound nails in his woodshop, and how he would build pulleys and treehouses for us to play with. Maggie taught me how to make friends and always included me and made me feel special.

My older siblings taught me how to be a good big sister, and for the next phase in my life, I made my whole existence about taking care of my little ones, Chelsea and Bryn. I helped them with their home school, made them lunches, came up with arts and crafts and organized plays for them and all their little friends. I even employed them at my lemonade stand, which was a strict business open daily, in order for us to earn money to spend at the county fair.

I knew from then on that when I grew up, I really wanted to be a mom, more than anything. I wanted to have my own little ducks to keep in a row, just like my mother. I appreciated her organizational skills, how she was able to care for the needs of every last one of us, how she and my dad always made sure we had alone time with just them so we didn't lose our sense of identity in a family as large as ours.

I haven't really been able to to get excited about any career other than motherhood. In college I continually lost interest in everything I tried to major in. The classes were great, but I couldn't think of any career that I would want to have every day for the rest of my life. I felt a huge sense of failure in this, and then it occurred to me: who says I have to be a career woman? This notion that a woman has to enter the workforce is a fairly recent one. I understand the drive for equal gender rights, but is it not my right to stay home as a housewife and mother if I so choose? Why is that so frowned upon these days? So many of my friends look at me with confusion like they can't comprehend why I would want that for myself. That infuriates me!

I think the structure of a family is so precious, and should be nurtured accordingly. It was fortunate that I was spared from becoming a part of the "latch-key" generation. My childhood was completely magical. And not because my parents had top notch careers that supported my physical needs, but because my mother was home to teach us about the little things in life, that proved to be the most important. She provided a safe and loving environment for us to learn and grown, I can't think of any career more important than that. I don't need a career to give me a sense of identity.

I know I will be happy baking and cleaning and caring for my children and husband, so much happier than I would be working from nine to five, just to be able to pay a stranger to raise my children. I know that money will be an issue, and by choosing to have a large family I will need to be creative to find ways to make ends meet, and will sometimes have to go without. But I am convinced that this is my calling.

I feel like I have been forever waiting, to have a family of my very own. I really wish my body would hurry up and heal itself so that I can put it through the trauma of childbirth!